The Masks We Wear
At the end of October we see masks everywhere. We put them on for Halloween, dress up as someone/something else, and for a little while, we get to step outside of who we normally are. While masks are a staple of the Halloween tradition, what if, in some ways, we all wear masks throughout the year?
The masks we wear are not always easy to see. They can look like confidence, humor, independence, perfectionism, or even a simple “everythings ok”. Sometimes masks are a version of ourselves we show the world because it feels safer than showing what we are actually feeling underneath. We learn to hide our worries, downplay our emotions, or become the person we think others want us to be. How tiring! Here is the wildest part, sometimes, we don’t even realize we are doing it.
Wearing a mask, or masking our feelings and emotions don’t necessarily mean that we are being fake. In many cases, our masks serve a purpose. They can protect us, help us navigate difficult situations, or make us feel like we belong. The problem is not that we wear a mask, moreso, it is when we become so used to wearing it that we lose touch with the person underneath.
So, what happens when we slow down and get curious about the masks we wear? What are they protecting us from? What are we afraid others might see? What might it look like to reconnect with the parts of ourselves that we don’t always let others see?
What Do Our Masks Look Like
As mentioned, there are many different “masks” that people put on. Some masks show up more frequently than others.
The “I’m Fine” Mask:
This mask shows up in people who might share that everything is okay, even when they are overwhelmed, hurt, anxious, or struggling. They may not want to be a burden for others or may not know how exactly to explain what they are feeling.
The Perfectionist Mask:
The person who always wants to get it right, perform well, or have everything together. Underneath this mask typically lies the fear of failure, disappointing others, or feeling like their worth depends on what they have or have not accomplished.
The Humor Mask:
Humor can be a wonderful way to connect with others and let loose. However, sometimes it can also become a way to avoid or suppress difficult emotions or conversations.
The Tough Mask:
“I don’t need help” or “I’ve got this” might be a common saying for this individual. This person might appear to be independent and resiliate while having a hard time letting others see when they are scared, hurt, or struggling.
The “I Don’t Care” Mask:
Sometimes not caring is easier than admitting how much we actually do care. This can show up when someone acts uninterested in a sport, friendship, relationship, grades…etc because caring deeply also means risking disappointment.
None of these masks are inherently bad. In fact, many of them can be helpful at different points in our lives. Being independent, funny, driven, or confident can all be genuine parts of who we are. The question is whether these qualities are an expression of who we are rather than qualities we use to hide the parts of ourselves we don’t feel safe showing.
Letting The Masks Take a Break
Notice the Mask:
Pay attention to when you feel like you have to be a certain version of yourself. Becoming aware of the mask that you are wearing is the first step in getting back in touch with the person under it. When do you say “I’m fine”, act like you do not care, or feel like you always need to have it all together?
Ask What Is Underneath:
Once you notice the mask, get curious. Ask yourself, What am I feeling? What am I trying to protect? Why is this mask the one that I am wearing? What do I need right now?
Find Places to Be Yourself:
We don’t have to take our masks off around everyone. Find people and spaces where you feel accepted, supported, and comfortable. Being vulnerable requires a sense of safety and trust. Where do you feel safe? Where can you be authentic?
Practice Being Honest in Small Ways:
Being vulnerable does not have to start with a huge, emotional conversation. Start small, admit when you are having a hard day, ask for help, or acknowledge when something really matters to you. Small moments of honesty can create a space for us to feel more comfortable being ourselves.
At the end of the day, we all have a few masks in our closet. Some we wear often, some only when we need a little extra protection, and some we may not even realize we have put on. What are some of the masks that you wear? Why are you wearing them? What is the purpose/role of the mask? Where do they show up the most? What would the person under the mask say to the person wearing it?
Comments